How To Help Your Children Adjust After a Divorce

Avoid Blaming

When explaining the reasons for your decision and whenever your ex comes up, do your best to avoid assigning blame. This makes your child feel caught in the middle of your fight and can lead to uncomfortable situations where they think they need to pick sides. While you don’t need to be best friends with your ex, you should try to remain cordial and avoid further conflicts in front of your kids.

Offer Reassurance

One of the most common worries a child of divorce has is that the situation is their fault. Remind your children as often as they need to hear that your divorce had nothing to do with them. Speaking honestly (and generally) about some of the problems that precipitated the separation can help children understand that they’re not to blame.

Normalize Emotions

From the moment you utter the word “divorce,” your child’s emotions become a whirlwind. Tell them that their feelings are entirely normal and encourage them to express their emotions. Some kids may go numb to avoid dealing with the divorce. You can help break them out of their denial by checking in with them and having them explain what they’re thinking and feeling.

Teach your children how to express their emotions without letting emotions influence their actions. While it’s okay to feel sad and angry, allowing your kids to take out their anger on other children at school or their siblings is off-limits.

Make Transitions Easy

Even when your child wants to see the other parent, feelings of separation and betrayal often come with transitions. You can help ease transitions by encouraging your kids to take along a favorite stuffed animal or book! Make it clear that you want your kids to see the other parent to avoid unconsciously guilt-tripping your children as they leave.

You should also plan to put on a smile when handing off the kids to your ex: kids who sense tension between their parents may become anxious. If it’s too difficult to remain civil, consider finding neutral ground, such as school or a friend’s house, where your ex can pick up the kids.

Prioritize Consistency

Consistency is vital in all things, from visitation to discipline. Talk with your ex about a parenting plan, so your kids don’t create an idea of one parent as “the disciplinarian” and the other parent as “the fun one.” Make sure you have consistent bedtimes and similar routines in both houses, as well as a go-to plan regarding homework.

Your kids need as much stability as possible, so developing similar parenting styles helps your kids feel secure.

Promote Relationships

When a divorce happens and children perceive it as their parents slipping away, they may respond by becoming overly attached to one or both parents. You should encourage your kids to seek relationships with friends to avoid separation issues later in life. You’ll need to strike a balance between time with friends and time with family, but giving your kids an outlet outside the house can be very helpful.

Contact an Expert

Divorce isn’t an easy thing to get right, so there’s no shame in bringing in an expert to help. Child therapists can offer great ideas on handling tough situations, and you shouldn’t think of them as a last resort. Separation also comes with a host of legal questions and complications, so consider reaching out to a highly rated family law firm in Chicago for help.

Now that you understand how to help your children adjust after a divorce, do everything you can to prioritize your kids. Every parent wants what’s best for their child, so set aside your differences with your ex and help ensure the best possible life for your children.