Relationships are delicate balances of trust and respect. Unfortunately, that balance does not always hold because one partner violates that shared trust. Physical violence is unmistakable, but what makes emotional abuse so pernicious is that it isn’t always as readily apparent. When you’re in a relationship, it can be hard to see such abuse for what it is; you may think it’s simply stress, a misinterpretation on your part, or even just the way that person is.But if you’re reading this, it’s because you’ve taken a big first step and have started to ask yourself what does and doesn’t construe emotional abuse. And sadly, if it has come to the point that you’ve honestly wondered, the answer to the question, “Is this abuse?” is most often “yes.” The following are some common signs that you’re in an abusive relationship—signs that can’t be mistaken for bad days or parts of a normal personality.Tiny jabs and jokes add up. If there’s a long pattern of gentle but mocking insults, your partner may be trying to belittle you and keep your self-confidence low, fearing that if you had more self-confidence, you would leave the relationship. If it always sounds like your partner wants you to think less of yourself, eventually, that may be precisely what happens.Relationships are for dialogues, not monologues. Abusers can use this tactic to make you feel like a student, a child, or a subordinate employee, none of which should be the case in a healthy relationship. If you can’t get a word in and discuss the issue at hand, you’re not enjoying proper communication.No one operates at a constant level of overwhelmingly demonstrative affection. But turning affection on and off like a faucet or a light switch is a common and effective abuse tactic. A person who is not only physically distant but will not even converse or make eye contact can make his or her partner feel punished and helpless. They feel alone and trapped at the same time until they are eventually willing to do anything to be forgiven.The term “gaslighting” has gained considerable currency in the last eight years. It arose from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which an abusive husband makes subtle manipulations, such as dimming the gas-powered lights and denying it to make his wife doubt reality. The concept has endured, but only recently have we put a name to this form of abuse on a widespread level. Gaslighting is not simply disagreeing during arguments; it extends beyond that and into influencing the world around you to make you feel alone, vulnerable, and susceptible to further abuse.Emotional abuse is difficult to confront and escape at any stage of a relationship. But in a marriage, especially when there are children involved, the untenability of an abusive relationship can be almost too intimidating to handle. But you needn’t be intimidated. Schiller DuCanto and Fleck, one of the leading family law firms in Chicago, has amassed an estimable body of work in negotiating safe and equitable exit strategies for victims of emotional domestic abuse. If these signs that you’re in an abusive relationship match up with your experience, don’t despair. You aren’t trapped.
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